You keep beating yourself up. You’re still so angry and hurt because you fought. You’ve fought with people before, but never anyone quite like her. You felt she was the friend that was put in your path when you needed a friend the most. You want the world for her and want so much better for her.
You browsed articles about friend breakups and scrolled through Netflix watching chick flicks about best friends. You declined the invite to her party after you sent a “yes” RSVP. A thousand questions have crossed your mind: Was it your fault? How much better off would she be without you? Does she hurt, too?
You imagined her with her other friends. Are they better friends than you? Is she bashing you or is she ignoring your existence? She said you were her best friend. You thought she was real, that she was always going to be there for you as you were for her. You bared your souls to each other and shared your darkest secrets.
You cried when she said she didn’t love herself in the ways you loved her. When you heard she had been struggling, it blew your mind. Sure, you’ve struggled and have known other people who have, but to you, she was this ray of sunshine. To you, she was a whimsical and fairy-like creature. She was like a garden of flowers always in bloom. She was smart, strong, beautiful, and kind. She was friendly, and people loved her. The idea that such an amazing person could hurt and struggle as others did was terrifying.
You wanted to save her, but she left you anyway.
The thing is, you’re great at seeing the magic in other people, and sometimes you see the magic when it isn’t there. You wanted your friendship to be everything you perceived it to be. You wanted it to be everything you needed.
This friendship wasn’t all about her, but it was everything about you. You are the ray of sunshine. You’re the whimsical creature who is smart and kind. You are the garden of flowers always in bloom. Even though a rain cloud seems to hang over you, you must remember that rain nourishes your flowers and makes them flourish. You’ll get through this just like you have in the past.
Your life is going to be something miraculous. You are going to achieve your goals and dreams. Life can hurt and get you down, can kick you while you’re there. My God, it can hurt. It can steal your last breath or give you a breath of fresh air to begin again. Life can make you crazy.
If your mind and heart are open and you face your fears and refuse to step down, you will get through it. If you always look ahead, you will see a light — sometimes faint, sometimes almost invisible, but always there for you. Even in the darkest storm, you’ll find the light and your way through.
The people you have in your life come and go. Relationships end. The thing inside you that makes you unique will not end. It will grow stronger, bigger, brighter, and more powerful until you feel it and know it’s there. You’ll notice the friend you’ve been looking for is you and no other person can give you what you can give yourself. Take some of that magic you sprinkle on others and give it to yourself because you deserve it. You are amazing!